This Week in The Office XI

Heddo. Ib’m all bugged ub. No, I haven’t lost it, whatever it is, I still haven’t found it to lose, so, with much dithering (intriguing word, that) you should come to the informed desision that I am, indeed, ill. Yes, my dear friends, once again the foul fiend flu has decended upon me. No doubt Vesten "Porn King" Tit-Hewl will beg to differ on the matter of whether or not the illness which I am currently victim to is actually influenza or not (I have the same argument about what exactly flu is when I return from time off school with the aforementioned ailment), but Vesten, you looked up "adult material" on a school computer system, so quite frankly I wouldn’t listen to you if.......well, I can’t actually think of an example at the moment, but hey, you know what I mean.

Anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about Vesten’s personal habits for hours. Vesten and I, lately, have been engaged in a war of words. Ever since Vesten was accused of looking at "innapropriate material" at school, he seems to have become ultra sensative to anything anyone says on the matter. I personally believe this to be a prime example of "Guilti Concionusiumi" or to give a common name "Guilty Concience". No, I’m not refering to the Eminem song of the same name. He seems to be unable to take the situation for the joke that it is. Now, as I said, I take great pleasure in winding him up over this, but lately things have reached an extreme. In computing last week, I insulted him as usual, but this time, instead of falling quiet and looking ashamed, checking the room to see if anyone was observing him with a suspicious eye, he made a number of mindless comments back at me, all of them bizarrely related to life changing experiences that would not happen in any real life situation ever, and all of which ended with the mystifying justification "it’s possible", even when it blatently wasn’t. Following this unexpected outburst of raw emotion I sat, somewhat dazed and looked at him blankly, as if to say "Eh?". Vesten then continued:
(I couldn’t remember this entire speech word for word, so this is the gist of it:)
"If I’m a porn king, then what are you? I think you’re a sleazy, dodgy porn columnist. So nerr. And I don’t want to play anymore."
Well, not quite a speech, I admit. I couldn’t believe it. ME, the squeeky-clean humourous column writer labelled a "Sleazy, dodgy, porn columnist" by a perverted individual who looks up porn on the school internet!!! Good grief. However, seemingly to underline just how mental he had gone, Vesten later claimed that he was "coming out". Tsk. As if claiming that you are gay will help justify you’re actions. You should know better. Now, I’m worried. VERY worried. I will never bend over (not that I have done in the past) in his perverted presence ever again. I think I’ve said enough. It’s this Day Nurse stuff. It cures the flu/unknown disease but it sure messes with you’re head in the process.

Elsewhere in the office this week:

• Linked to Vesten’s comments about the descency of my writing, this website was labelled "inappropiate" by a Cyber Sentinal program. I swear Vesten has something to do with this.......he claimed when I told him that it was "his point exactly".
• The Lang, voted "most reliable person in place of Dave Elvy" in a recent survey, seemingly disappeared for two days this week. We later discovered that he had been on a biology field trip. So thats OK then.
• Fat Bat attempted to strangle the Webmaster with a bag. He hasn’t quiet got the hang of socializing yet.
• Fat Bat consumed record numbers of mini M&M’s, but upon later inspection most were found to have evaded his mouth and escaped to the floor.
• Nick, the lesser known sports writer who has yet to write an article, went AWOL on Monday, and Wednesday, and Thursday....in fact for nearly the whole week.
• The Webmaster, in a moment of Beard [Grrrrrr! - Ed] -tingling madness, was heard to say: "I am a figment of you’re imagination. To kill me, you have to kill yourself first."
• I was reminded that a ban has been placed on mentioning the webmaster’s Beard, which, [..................... - Ed] And either way, I wouldn’t be allowed to tell you.

Well, I really must dash to get a tissue to wipe my ever dripping nose.

Until the next time,

"Perverted people deserve beatings and/or making fun of" (VESTEN "PORN-KING" TIT-HEWL, or Fat, for example)

Bye

Bigal

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