This Week In The Office XIV

Well. Would you look at that? You've only come back for more of the same "Humorous shenanigans" that I produce week by week. I guess seeing as you've chosen to come this far, I might as well diegn to entertain you somewhat with my intricate and razor sharp wit.

At least, that is what I would do if I had something funny to write about. An obervational comedy writer without anything to observe is like....Fat Bat would be with a brain, that is to say not funny.

This week in the office, alas, has been seemingly devoid of comic relief. It has been a week of severe role-reversal, during which, amongst other things:

• Fat Bat didn't behave like a twat (for most of the time, although he did choose to listen to the cricket on the radio upon more than one occasion, which, in the case of any other normal human being would be labelled "boring and stupid", but by Fat Bat's unusually high standards of excellence in the fields of stupidity and twatishness, it is more or less ignored. Long bracket that, wasn't it?) which made a stunning change. It must be noted that he didn't by any stretch of the human mind behave normally. And he still has an unhealthy obsession with physical acts of violence towards my left arm and various pieces of furniture.
• Vesten "P*rn-King" Tit-Hewl became unusually helpful and actually gave me some usful material which I will make use of later in teh article.......but none of it was him making stupid comments, which was a dissappointment considering the fact that I had planned upon oblitorating his feeble form with a barrage of insults, the likes of which haven't been seen or heard since Fat tripped over a pot hole whilst chasing a ball (that had already left the boundries of the pitch) and "twisted his ankle through 180 degrees".
• The Webmaster failed to make an impact. That is to say he didn't do anything. Stupid. In fact, he didn't do anything anyway, which is normal.
• I just discovered the latest issue of the quite frankly thrilling "Roadway - The Magazine For Professional Hauliers". Which is fairly worrying, you must admit.
• The Lang stepped back and kept his nose out of everything.

One interesting piece of news though:

• Richard "Dick(-ie)" Lane, proprieter of a rival (but much worse) website, and man voted "Most unlikely produce anything interesting on his website...ever" in a recent survey, became seemingly hellbent on ridiculing our quite frankly amazing new hit rate record on Monday (149 hits in a day....ok, not brilliant, but outstanding by comparison to our previous record, which was 59....thanx guys) and thus as revenge for this most mean of pastimes, I shall make a pledge to ridicul his site until he appologises.........."Dick(-ie) your site is poo, it always has been poo, it always will be poo, and I find it boring, in fact the entire human race find it boring and I can't keep writing like this cuz when I try to read it out I'll run out of breath and faint so goodbye and nerrrr. Whatever that may mean.

VESTEN'S CONTRIBUTION

Some nuggets of comedy (or at a stretch smile inducing chunks) from the mouth of the pervert known only as Vesten (and something else but I'm barred from saying his real name lest anyone should find out):

• On the Irish version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" they had the first person to win.........nowt. Only in Ireland. Which is incidentally a lovely, wonderful and glorious country.
• Vauxhall Nova in Spanish translates as "Does not go".
• Grott is a Polish dog food.
• Bum is a Turkish biscuit
• Nuclear is a Spainish clothes whitener.
• Skum is a brand of sweets in Sweden (Beats Mojo hands down, that)
• Krapp is a Swedish toilet paper brand.

Well, there you go. Admittatly Vesten cannot quite sustain the kind of humourous pace that is required to complete a whole article, so that's all that he gave me. Thanx anyway Vesten. Don't think this changes anything about you being a perverted "P*rn-King", though.

NEW....ERR........BIT

This section of this weeks article was ment to be dedicated entirely to the humurous goings on in the world outside the office. However, we did a vote amongst the team to decide if this would be a good idea or not, and, in the way of votes and elections the world over, the votes were more or less equal on both sides of the argument. Thus, with one vote to decide the result, we handed the casting vote......to the sole American resident on the Team, the lanky man known as "Le Doosh". Due to various counts, recounts and The Webmaster intervening and saying that the vote for (if there was one) didn't count because "Le Doosh read the voting slip wrong and thus instead of ticking the box with "No" next to it he ticked the one that said "Yes" because the layout was confusing and his pitiful brain couldn't er....cope", there will thus be no real result on this matter until well into 2005 when all the assorted court cases against the result (despite the fact that there doesn't actually seem to be one yet) have been resolved.

Well, I think I've given you all more that enough useless stuff to be going on with for a week, so I shall leave you all to stew until next week.

Till' the point at which the Fat Man does something stupid (can't be long now, he's been sane for a week now),

"Beat Nick "Munky" Miles with large sticks until he gets up off his fat ugly butt to do something"

Thanx

Bi Gal (Joke)

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