This Week In The Office XIX

Act 1: INTRO-STYLEE BIT

In the immortal (well, ok, not quite) words of Le Doosh: WOO-HOO!

Oh yeah. Yeah. It’s half term. Which means that I have precisely a week and a bit in which to lay around and sleep. Yeah.

Anyhoo, welcome once more to the realm of the ridiculous (see The Lang’s wonderful article(s) for further proof of this). I can’t be bothered to write anymore of this rubbish intro, so I’ll just pull this section up to a halt…..now.

Act 2: FOCUS ON…. THE TALE OF NICK “Munky” MILES AND A LARGE FOOD RETAIL CHAIN

Well, how queer.

This week in FOCUS ON I want to draw your attention once more towards that world-renowned lazy fag, Nick “Munky” Miles. Yeah, the same dude who joined the Website team for a time, wrote sod all, then left again. Yeah, well, Nick, who left our wonderful school/office/Fat Bat dissing place earlier due to “stress” (Note: for “Stress” read “Laziness”), has popped up once again after a silence of…ooh…a few months. Nick, it would seem, has finally emerged from hiding to make a triumphant return….as a shelf stacker stylee dude at a large food retain chain.

Well. A turn up for the books I guess. A shock as well. I’m actually almost jealous because he has informed me that the amount of money he earns in a week is almost equal to what I earn in a standard month. Depressing, that.

Act 3(a): Elsewhere in the Office this week…

• FAT BAT AND BIRD CELEBRATE A WEIGHTY RELATIONSHIP: Yes, congrats of the most sincere kind go out from all of us on the Website team (whether they like it or not) as the most….interesting couple in school reach a marvellous 11 month milestone in relationship length. I should really keep the congrats till next month, which will be, as logic dictates, 12 months (more commonly known as a year), but hey, I never was that organised.
• BIRDLESS DOOSH LAMENTS: Le Doosh continued his intricate moaning about not being able to pull. Anything.
• WEBMASTER COMES OF AGE: This was in the front page, but I want to say happy birthday to The Webmaster anyhoo, so there you go.
• VESTEN AND LANG BECOME OFFICALLY BORING: That is to say they did nothing of note that I can write about. Thanx so much guys.
• WEBSITE TEAM IN LIBRARY WANTED LIST SHOCK!!: The Website team were discriminated against on multiple occasions by moody librarians who feel threatened by our immense joint intelligence and stunning good looks. That is to say they kept chucking us out. Well, that is to say they kept chucking me out.
• ENTIRE WEBSITE TEAM IN “I FORGOT” SHOCK: Yes, I meant to find funny chunks from the team’s school reports this week, but, with the exception of Doosh, not even one of them remembered to tell me.
• DOOSH DOOSHES TEAM WITH STUNNING GRADES ADMISSION: Le Doosh claimed that if we were to publish his grades, it would cause acute embarrassment for the rest of us because his grades are all so good. I have no proof of this, so I’m choosing to ignore it until some surfaces.
• WEBMASTER GETS JAG: No, not a real one, don’t be ridiculous.

Act 3(b): Deviant Behaviour With The Lang

Yes, welcome to the new and exciting new section in which I will document, in an organised fashion, all the deviant acts carried out by the nu-hooligan, The Lang. This week then:

• Felony 1: Threatened violence to Fat Bat. But then we all do that. So that isn’t really a criminal act then. Oh well. I’ll try again next week. I’m sure this week was just a planing week while his remarkably evil criminal brain works upon horror and destruction for the coming weeks.

Act 4: THE END

Well, I need rest from a frantic lifestyle, so I want you to leave me alone now. On your way out, close the door, and remember to visit The Lang’s great article, and also remember to diss Vesten.

Thankyou so much.

BIGal

Act 4 Part B Subheading D Section 4(a) Paragraph(s) 1-110 (inclusive): THE BIT WITH A POINTLESS TITLE ADDED, AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT (LIKE FAT’S BRAIN), WHEN I WAS BORED AND I DECIDED YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW WHAT’S COMING NEXT WEEK

HA! Foolish, insignificant fools! You thought I’d gone again, didn’t you? Well you’re wrong. And I’ve caught you out two weeks running now with that trick. Coming up next week in TWITO:

• School reports for the entire team: I promise!
• Deviant Behaviour With The Lang: More news on The Langs criminal activity.

Yes, I know that seem pathetic, but it’s half term, and I won’t see anyone from the team.

See you next week,

BigAl

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