Act 2: FOCUS ON…. THE TALE OF BIGAL AND THE INCREDABLY WEIRD AND BORING WEEK
Well, unfortunately, my dear friends, I’m afraid that not even I can work miracles. I shall therefore apologise in advance for the absolute lameness of this article. Sorry. Now I shall proceed, in a firm, but suprisingly polite manner, to explain just why this will be so boring.
You see, it goes a bit like this: nothing happened. Yes, you did read that right. This week was so amazingly dull that it gave me a mere microscopicum (I just made that up) of material to use. All of that minimal material will appear before you if you merely wave your mouse pointer over the down arrow, allowing The Webmaster’s Magical Code (Copyright 2001, The Web-Paper Ltd) to work it’s wonders and traverse the text down the page in a somewhat vertical manner. I’m sorry, I’m going off at a tangent now, aren’t I? Where was I…yes, all of the material I have from this week’s cavortations (made that up too) in the office will be in Act 3(a). You can probably see the tip of it right below this pointless mumbling right now…
Act 3(a): Elsewhere in the Office this week…
ENTIRE “OFFICE” SUCCUMBS TO POST HALF-TERM RETURN SYNDROM: That is to say that everyone was so depressed at the fact that they had to return to school after a lovely week and a half’s worth of holiday that they all became like Vesten, that is to say, not very interesting.
McDonald’s CLONE CALLED “McDOBO’s” DISCOVERED DOING THRIVING BUISNESS FROM A SMALL HOT DOG STALL OUTSIDE THE TATE MODERN: On a random trip to the Tate Modern this week, me and my trusty band of ineffective followers discovered a small hot dog stall named “Mc Dobo’s” outside the aforementioned gallery of confusing and pointless art. It was a blatant Michael extraction on “Mc Donald’s”, right down to the golden “M” symbol, and the cheeseburger I purchased sucked, so I hope they get sued. Oh, and before you ask, yes, I did get a photo of it.
FAT BAT EXCLUSIVE QUOTE: Well, ok, one classic moronic line from Fat Bat was uttered, so the week wasn’t a complete suicide trip: (to put this scrap into perspective, The Webmaster and I had previously been discussing the foot and mouth outbreak (not to be mistaken for foot in mouth disease, which I have and cannot seem to shake off) in relation to the fact that the burger that I purchased from “Mc Dobo’s” could have been infected):
Me: …So, if I develop Foot and Mouth, you’ll know what’s happened!
Fat: [and this is quite simply nonsensical as far as I can tell] Yeah, you’ve been listening to “The Archers” again.
Well, I admit three items is pretty lame, so I’ll stick my neck out (so to speak) and say that I’ll give you a bumper episode next week.
Act 3(b): Deviant Behaviour With The Lang
Felony 2: The Lang failed to show up at the school on Wednesday, Thursday, or, suprisingly, Friday, leaving me alone to deal with all the nutters. That, my friends, is unforgivable.
Act 4: THE END
Seeya. Around. Maybe.
Thankyou and goodnight!
BIGal
Act 4 Part B Subheading D Section 4(a) Paragraph(s) 1-110 (inclusive): THE BIT WITH A POINTLESS TITLE ADDED, AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT (LIKE FAT’S BRAIN), WHEN I WAS BORED AND I DECIDED YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW WHAT’S COMING NEXT WEEK
HA! Foolish, insignificant fools! You thought I’d gone again, didn’t you? Well you’re wrong. And I’ve caught you out four weeks running now with that trick. Coming up next week in TWITO:
School reports for the entire team: I promise! (Yes, I know I said that last week, but I forgot to ask anyone this time: maybe I should just give up.)
Deviant Behaviour With The Lang: The return of The Lang after a three-day extra sabbatical.
The Official Website Awards!
The joys of Word 2000: I’m gonna try to produce a second article using only the spellchecker and the synonym functions from Word 2000 just to prove that Word can be fun, dammit. Yes, I forgot this as well.