This Week In The Office XXIV

Act 1: INTRO-STYLEE BIT

G’day!

Ah, the wonder of the cunning placement of an a’postrophe!

With such madness and weirdness and strangeness (and so on and so forth) we shall move on.

Act 2: FOCUS ON…RITUAL HUMILIATION: RAG WEEK 2001

Yes, it’s that time of the year again. I’m undecided whether this is the best or the worst week of the year. You see, this week in the office it was Rag Week. This is a traditional thing at our school where the entire sixth form goes to school in weird outfits each day of the week, the outfit dependant on a pre-decided theme for that day, i.e. Beach day (where it snowed, incidentally). Anyway, you’ll doubtless be seeing pictures of the webteam in varying interesting costumes, including me in my beach costume which was…. er…normal clothing. Oh, come on, it was snowing!

Well, when I started this, (or at least the above paragraphs) it was Wednesday, and I was going to write about the highlights of the week (in terms of costumes), but it seems that there actually were no highlights as such, at least none that could even touch the outfit that The Lang wore last year (see his first article).

So, instead I want to warn all of you against ever wearing the potentially lethal combination of shorts, cream (or even worse, grey) socks and sandals. I say this simply because the Webmaster seemingly had his dress sense removed [I didn't have any in the first place! - Ed] on beach day when he wore the above combination. Oh dear. You have been warned.

Act 3(a): Elsewhere in the Office this week…

• FAT BAT COMPLETES QUICK FAST: In possibly the most shocking and astounding thing to happen this year, Fat Bat, who holds the record for most fast food consumed in a day, went on and completed successfully a 50-hour fast this week. I was so amazed that I almost fainted.
• FAT BAT BINGES: After completing aforementioned fast, Fat Bat managed to consume a quite remarkable, nay, almost perverse, amount of food.
• QUICK-GOING FOR SCHOOL INTERNET CONNECTION: In yet another shocking incident, it seemed that the school must have read of our outrage at the amount of time it took us to access the site last week. Now, it may be pure co-incidence, but this week the school suddenly got an ultra-quick new broadband connection. And who says we don’t influence anyone?
• “BIG GIG” FOR BIGAL BUGGERED: On Thursday, I was meant to play to a large audience of secondary school kids with my band. I say “was meant” because it turns out that actually no one did turn out for the event at all. And so me and my band had a much-needed rehearsal.
• “BIG GIG” NUMBER 2 ECLIPSES FIRST “BIG GIG”: Well, the second night we put on (that’s Friday, for those of little intelligence like Fat Bat) was slightly better in terms of turnout, and infinitely better in terms of performance by the band, who I would like to thank. Thank you all: Phil, Terry, Christine, Jo, and (confusingly) Phil. Also shoutz to Tom, my brother and the bands percussion guru, who was unfairly laden with coursework and couldn’t play. Pictures and a special section soon, people.
• MY BAND ANNOUNCE NAME: Ok, so this is probably not gonna stick, but the band’s name at the moment is “Limp Phish” in tribute to both Limp Bizkit, who’s MI2 theme we kicked off with, and Phatfish, from who we “borrowed” a couple of songs (sorry!). Oh, and there should be a few pics and stuff about us up in a few weeks, and maybe even a little section if The Webmaster will let me.

Note: Yes, I know 3 items is a lame turnout, but it isn’t down to me. If you want to complain that nothing interesting happened this week, take it up with the others.

Not that I’m bitter.

Act 3(b): Deviant Behaviour With The Lang

• Felony 6: Failed to commit any felonies. And that in itself is a felony. Maybe. Or perhaps I’m just a failure and I should ditch this section?

Act 4: THE END

So, from the realms of Rock Stardom,

Thankyou and goodnight!

BIGal

Act 4 Part B Subheading D Section 4(a) Paragraph(s) 1-110 (inclusive): THE BIT THAT DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST ANYMORE

Hint in the title perhaps? (See above)

Back to the "Previous Installments" list