This Week In The Office XXVI

Act 1: INTRO-STYLEE BIT

Hullo.

Did any of you ever read any of those cheesy “Just William” Books? Oh no, my mistake, I did this last week, didn’t I?

Anyway, with the air of Fat Bat on a hunt for food, I shall direct you sharply down the page, methinks…

Act 2: FOCUS ON…THE LOST NEWS ARTICLES

It was with some trepidation, it must be said, that I approached my Student Diary this week. It is not a book you would want to read willingly. It’s the kind of thing that torturers would kill to lock you in a room with. I can see it now; book propped up in front of your eyes, eyelids propped open with matchsticks, aforementioned torturer forcing you at gunpoint to read and turning pages for you…all happy thoughts….

So anyway, my student diary is basically the product of a twisted literary genius. That genius is none other than me. My student diary contains many disturbing writings, not least the Elsewhere In the Office This Week files, where I write down every thing that happens in the “office” all week.

Unfortunately, however, sometimes I’m in such a hurry when I write these things that I manage to forget where exactly in the book I put them. Thus the lost news articles. Seeing as it’s the beginning of the school Easter break, and I have nothing better to do, I thought I’d use this weeks Focus on… as an opportunity to let you in on all the little news articles that I forgot from as far back, I believe, as Christmas.

These were meant for TWITO 14:

• Fat became (Note: that’s interestingly where this entry ends. I can’t remember what Fat Bat became for the life of me, nor can I even remember writing this entry, though it is in my writing so I must have done.)
• Vesten’s Pad: Scan? (Note: intriguing little note indicating that I should have scanned in Vesten’s pad that week. However, I must have forgotten.)

This was entered under Monday 18th December 2000:

• Webmaster misheard Fat Bat saying: “I have [Christmas] lights for his car” as “I want to set light to his car”.

Pages from the 3rd of January to the end of January are blank, so we finish up on the 26th March, where I had notes for last weeks article tucked away but forgot all about:

• Fat Bat admits to being “Weird Old Man”
• I get a stalker! (But I won’t go into that)
• Fat (tries) to run protection racket. Webmaster runs (tennis rackets) (land of many rackets). Yes, that is what I actually had written down. I believe I was being threatened by Fat Bat with a squash racket at the time, so that would partially explain it.
• Fat (almost loses) first [the next word is unclear, being as it is either “gear” or “year”, neither of which seem to make any sense at all.]

Act 3(a): Elsewhere in the Office this week…

• FAT BAT: IS HE BECOMING EVEN MORE STUPID?: This week, in a display of utter moronishness, Fat Bat managed somehow to lock himself out of his own locker, house, and a multitude of other key requiring items.
• THE EFFECTS OF A BORING COMPUTING LESSON: Just to prove that a boring Computing lesson can drive you crazy, all of the next five entries are from this weeks boredom-fest on Monday. Firstly, I admitted, when probed (not in that way) by Vesten that I practice being annoying in front of a mirror at home.
• NEXT EFFECT OF COMPUTING: Shortly after the above, Vesten himself admitted to sacrificing pigs in his kitchen.
• FURTHER EFFECT OF COMPUTING: Then Vesten claimed to be Jewish.
• EVEN FURTHER EFFECT OF COMPUTING: I was heard saying: “Your about as Jewish as my butt!” in response.
• STRETCHED OUT PROLONGED EFFECT OF COMPUTING: Due to the fact that I would not allow Vesten to actually check and verify the above comment about by lower regions, he was left contemplating whether my Butt did indeed wear a skull cap, and was thus of Jewish descent.

Act 4: THE END

Until we next meet, dear friends:

Thankyou and goodnight!

BIGal

Act 4 Part B Subheading D Section 4(a) Paragraph(s) 1-110 (inclusive): IN THE CD CASE OF BIGAL

Well, I haven’t had time to plan and construct this section fully this week, so for now, I’ll just kick it all off by giving you a list of the top CD’s from my 12 CD case (I carry it around with me in case Fat Bat starts talking at me). Eventually this will be embellished by full reviews, pictures and the like, but you’ll have to wait till next week for that.

Case 1: (It works like a kind of countdown thing, with 6 CD’s in each case and one in my actual Discman, the one from the Discman being the week’s Number 1)
13) Limp Bizkit: Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water
12) Jars Of Clay: Much Afraid
11) Alanis Morissette: MTV Unplugged
10) Blink-182: The Tom, Mark and Travis Show (The Enema Strikes Back!)
9) Cypress Hill: Live At The Fillmore
8) Eric Clapton: Unplugged

Case 2:
7) Metallica: S&M Disk 1
6) Jeff Buckley: Mystery White Boy
5) Delirious?: D:Tour Live 1997
4) Limp Bizkit: Significant Other
3) Tourniquet: Microscopic View Of A Telescopic Realm
2) P.O.D: The Fundamental Elements Of Southtown

Discman Disk of The Week:
1) Lostprophets: Thefakesoundofprogress

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