This Week In The Office XXIX

Act 1: INTRO-STYLEE BIT

Welcome.

Act 2: FOCUS ON…A SUSPICIOUSLY QUIET WEEK

Alright people, listen up. There seems to me to be a conspiriousy going on here. The theory is this: everyone who is involved in the website have sat down somewhere, weeks ago probably, without my knowledge, and have plotted to bring TWITO to an even earlier than episode 30 end. My reasons for thinking this go no further than the fact that I am the most successful writer of the most successful series on this site. And I don’t think they like that. So I reckon that they all decided to do absolutly nothing in the remaining weeks of TWITO’s life to ensure that I had nothing whatsoever to write about. So far, they seem to have had considerable success, with Vesten managing to stay remarkably sane during the entirity of computing for the last two weeks. However, the measure of their ability is whether they can now sustain such memorable behaviour as we enter the third week of the humour drought.

Act 3(a): Elsewhere in the Office this week…

• FAT BAT CONTINUES VOILENT STREAK: Well, if the rest of the website team have agreed to stay sane for the remainder of TWITO’s life, they forgot to tell Fat Bat, who was still out to kill everyone this week. Using only his fist.
• WEBMASTER TAKES A FAT BAT BEATING: This week, Fat Bat focussed his cruel intentions particulary upon The Webmaster, who was left cowering in a corner on more than one occasion.
• EL BEARDO CONTINUES APPARENT REVIVAL: The infamous Beard has this week asserted it’s formidable hairy energy upon the entire team, demanding at one point a wage packet for being involved so much in my article, until The Webmaster reminded it that it was actually a part of him, and therefore would, as such, have to pay it’s own wages.
• VESTEN FAILS AT FIFA: This week one of the most exciting things to happen was an impromptu FIFA 2000 tournament between The Lang, Myself and Vesten. I beat both of them. However, I wish not to gloat on The Lang, for he had never played the game before. Instead I wish to pile my misery on the head of Vesten. Loser. No offence (not).

Act 4: THE END

From the most boring place on the face of the planet,

Thankyou and goodnight!

BIGal

Act 4 Part B Subheading D Section 4(a) Paragraph(s) 1-110 (inclusive): IN THE CD CASE OF BIGAL

This week, I have removed the intro to this section, because basically if you didn’t read what was written here for the last three damn weeks, you can go and find out from the previous article list what it said.

Case 1: (If you missed this last week and the week before that, it works like a kind of countdown thing, with 6 CD’s in each case and one in my actual Discman, the one from the Discman being the week’s Number 1)

• 13) Blink-182: The Tom, Mark and Travis Show (The Enema Strikes Back!) (Slips down one place)
• 12) Metallica: S & M Disk 2 (a dramatic fall for Hetfield and co, last week’s number
• 11) Cypress Hill: Live At The Fillmore (Stoned rappers slip two places)
• 10) Delirious?: Live And In The Can (Littlehampton’s most famous export slip quite a few places)
• 9) Pantera: Official Live: 101 Proof (New entry for Dimebag Darrell and co.)
• 8) Rage Against The Machine: Renegades (Funk rocker’s new entry)

Case 2:

• 7) Oasis: Familiar To Millions (Live 2000) Disk 2 (I felt like singing along to Live Forever and Don’t Look Back In Anger again)
• 6) Alanis Morissette: MTV Unplugged (Canadian crooner gets settled in at no6.)
• 5) Lostprophets: Thefakesoundofprogress (New entry from the number 1 from 3 weeks ago)
• 4) Limp Bizkit: Significant Other (A non-mover from Fred Durst and co)
• 3) Third Day: Conspiracy No. 5 (A new entry but an old album from the American band, with true classics such as Peace and the moving I Deserve?, along with one of the best titles for a song ever, Gomer’s Theme)
• 2) Metallica: S& M Disk 1 (Moves up five places: a raw chunk of musical energy, including the astounding, Grammy winning, 9:34 long musical tour-de-force that is The Call Of Ktulu, the awesome pace of Master Of Puppets, the pure orchestral power of The Thing That Should Not Be and the tenderness and fragility of Hero Of The Day and Bleeding Me)

Discman Disk of The Week:

• 1) Jeff Buckley: Mystery White Boy (Live 1995-96) Well, what can I say? This guy grows on you. At first, I thought he was rubbish, just some weird dude with strange influences and an even stranger voice. But somehow this record constantly dwells on your mind. It’s like it almost calls you to play it. It’s like a morbid fascination: you don’t think you like what you’re seeing, but you watch anyway. Once you get into it, you can see just what a loss Jeff Buckley was to this world. This is an outstanding CD, full of inspired compositions and vocal genius from the Jeff and his band. Outstanding.

Chart Round up: Suspiciously similar in content to the chart of last week. Hmmm.

Until next time,

Stay alive and go and sample some Jeff Buckley,

BIGal

Ps. When I was spell checking, I discovered that the spell checker wanted me to change “Alanis Morissette” to “Alan’s Moistest”. Other spell checking suggestions will be the subject of the series finale Focus On… so if your spell checker has ever suggested anything ridiculous then Email me the error to bigal@thewebpaper.co.uk and I’ll put it in for you.

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