Dude. I can actually feel you all sighing a huge, well, sigh really, of relief at the return of my usual article as opposed to that tepid rubbish that I produced when there was nothing to write about apart from my decent into the bowls of despair and madness. I wasn’t really fired by the Webmaster, that was just a joke, like Fat.
The good news is that this week saw the return of us all to that school we call an office. Supposidly we are all a year older now, and are ment to act in a "mature and sensible way" to "set the lower school a good example". Pfft. That was ment to sound like spitting. I fear it did not. Anyway, Pfft to that. I don’t feel older. And I am certainly not more mature or sensible.
However, along with the return to school and all that, inevitably there is also the return of Fat for us to deal with. We all deal with this is varying ways, each with a varying degree of success. Some ignore, some insult (thats me) some bribe with food, some set him talking on a pointless subject and slip away while he is immersed in an argument with himself, and some, of course, just run and hide, but the overwhelming result is still the same: Fat doesn’t change.
I have yet to work out if this is a good thing or a bad thing, however. You see, its a good thing because it means that we still have something to laugh at when everything else around is very depressing, whereas its a bad thing because he’s such a twat. Hmmmm. Actually, forget it; its a bad thing.
Elsewhere in the Office this week (now, theres a lot to get through, so prepare yourselves):
Almost intreiguing as the return of Fat is the appearance of what seems to be a dead ferret attached to the Webmaster’s face...(whispering in the backgroud)....oh, sorry, it seems he’s, ha, growing a beard. I’ll keep you informed.
The Lang informed me that he is like a wild cat, ready to spring if Fat touches him once in the new term. I assume he found himself over the summer and does not want to talk about it. I shall not press him.
Almost as shocking as the joint shock of seeing Fat again and The Webmasters new found beard is the disappearance of David "Mr Reliable" Elvy, voted "Person least likely to leave unless threatened by a full day of lessons with Fat" in a recent survey, who has left for fresh pastures further afield. I should like to pay tribute to him here. Thanx for all the help and keep playing Bass, Dude. Thats all you’re getting.
Almost as shocking as the treble (or should that be triple?) shock of Fat, The Webmaster’s beard and the lack of Elvyness in the school was the suspicious absence of Vesten "Porn King" Tit-Hewl. Vesten (I’ve mentioned him before, but I can’t reveal his real name because he is under the impression that "people will talk". Of course they will. They have mouths, Vesten) is apparently absent due to "his appendix" and will not be "with us for the moment". Yeah right, as if we’re gonna believe that. Rumour has it that so impressed were the adult "entertainment" establishments in the area with his ability to look at porn and deny it that they have invited him to take part in "tasteful adult themed films" for them. I stress that this is just a "rumour". Pah. I’ll keep you posted.
Almost as shocking as the quadruple shock of Fat, The Webmaster’s dead ferret, the lack of Elvyness and the suspicious disappearance of Vesten Tit-Hewl was the fact that I managed to put in too many bullet points again.